News From the New Frontier: EARTH
by RadFoxUK
Summary: Inspired by the webtoon, Noru. An explorer, streamer and underhanded documentarist picks up a stray transmission from earth and decides to take a look, but they're not alone! Others are aware of the new contact in the galaxy and those on the far end know more than they should too... Dark humour ahead! SWEARING...
1. Chapter 1

Transmission Detected: TRUE

VI Translation: ACTIVE

Transcription: ACTIVE

Recording transcription as follows:

…

…

…

…

…

…

UNKNOWN INSTRUMENTS

Give me a kiss to build a dream on and my imagination will drive upon that kiss_ _ _

Hmmn sweetheart I ask but only this a kiss to build a dream on~_ _ _

Give me a kiss before you leave me and my imagination will feed my hungry heart_ _ _

Leave me one thing before we part a kiss to build a dream on_ _ _

When I'm alone with my advances I'll be with you

Even romances, I can believe they're true

Give me your lips for just a moment zxzdsfasvfvagbnt

. . .

. . . Please wait, calculating.

. . .

. . . Please wait, calculating.

. . .

. . . Please wait, calculating.

Reconnection: FAILED

Failed to find signal, signal declared: LOST

Signal in frequency bands for: 'pre-space flight radio transmissions'

DETAILED: . . .

Mix of Amplitude and Frequency Modulation, previously unknown, sample sent to STG servers.

. . .

Source determined: Mass Relays, Unintentional transmission.

. . .

. . .

. . .

Salarian Union Relay Sleeper Module, Course of action determined: Alerting 'Citadel Council' of possible 'Type Charlie' Civilisation beyond relay designate '314'

. . .

WARNING: TURIAN SCOUT SHIP DETECTED

DETAILS: Ship is an older model, no longer in service, preferred by explorers and black market merchants for their small ping rating and outstanding speed and manoeuvrability.

\- VI has determined vessel is not authority owned.

. . .

WARNING: Vessel is attempting access to relay, most likely following lost signal, Sending urgent push alert to head of SU and STG.

. . .

DATA CORRUPTED; VIRUS DETECTED IN ESSENTIAL SYSTEMS; PURGING CORE; MFC-.-.-!MELTDOWN IMMINENT!-.-.-;EMERGENCY BROADCAST SENT; PACKET PICKUP PING RECEIVED; MAY YOU LIVE ON IN THE WATERS, GOOD BYE YOUNG ONES.

"BOSS!"

A young woman no older than sixteen runs through a decidedly alien environment, dashing and dodging.

"BOSS!"

*uurgksnd*

Caught by the neck by a suddenly appearing hand from through a too suddenly appearing portal (read door, fancy ass boss!), the girl stops mid-air, a half foot from the ground.

"What have I told you about my private time Sal, you know you're very lucky to be here! You're just one fuck-up away from a new and fresh perspective of the exterior of this fine ship!"

*gurgle* "Boss, to- *chokes* -o tig- *choke* -ht."

Releasing the waste of space, the man just reaching his mid to late thirties takes a breath, pulls out a plasma pistol, a button press and the emitters warm up, and lights a cigarette. "So, Sally, what exactly was so important?"

"Boss, that structure at the edge, by Pluto, well, boss we just got an active ping back from it, seems wielding that mast to the side of Zeta wasn't such a bad idea after all!"

"Now, Sals, come on, we both know it was a good idea, how else was I to get reception up here? Pipboy 3000 only has so much of an aerial." The man said, patting the girl's head.

Swiping at the annoyance Sally turned around, then back, and so forth a few times. "Well what are we gonna do?"

"Well, ain't it obvious?!"

"Of-fucking-course not! I wouldn't ask if I knew, I'd already be on it like a bloatfly on a brahmin's ass!"

"Welp, we lock and load, charge up the guns and ready the shields, notify our allies back on Earth, oh, also, you've got a bit of two hundred year old chip on your face, clean that up, would'ya? Kinda distracting…"

"Lucky us, that, that relay bug was old as all fuck!

Yo, this is zuoul's stream from beyond the relays!

Ooooooooh, scary!

*snurtct* Nah!

Kinda boring really, but here listen to this…"

"

UNKNOWN INSTRUMENTS

Give me a kiss to build a dream on and my imagination will drive upon that kiss_ _ _

Hmmn sweetheart I ask but only this a kiss to build a dream on~_ _ _

Give me a kiss before you leave me and my imagination will feed my hungry heart_ _ _

Leave me one thing before we part a kiss to build a dream on_ _ _

When I'm alone with my advances I'll be with you

Even romances, I can believe they're true

Give me your lips for just a moment zxzdsfasvfvagbnt

"

"Now ain't that just one of the funkiest sounds you've ever heard?!

What even is that thing they're playing, it's like a cross between a xianyq, and a turian, whatsyamacallit, oh screw-it I dunno, but we're gonna find out!

The bug was so old hat I was able to snag some info before the thing scuppered itself!

Check this shit out I mean come on, this is unknown translation software, slightly corrupted, but still it's unlike ANYTHING available anywhere, I know I've asked, exhausted my contacts trying to make sure this is what I think it is!

And~ well~ guess~ what~!

It's a new alien!"


	2. Scaffolds

Popping his head into the airlock, the Wanderer continued, "So, there's this council, and they set laws, regulations, stuff like that?"

A blie hand latches onto a grapple bar, a similarly blue face following.

"Yeah, VI says it's like the pre-war League of Nations, however ours hasn't devolved and broken down, having stood for the last 500 years, going on 600 now." She replied with a grin, mimicking the pinkos.

The Don walked on through the networks of halls, stairs and mismatched scaffolding, "So kid, let me get this straight, non-hostile alien life?"

To which tthe Courier replied, "Yeah Mr. Bishop, it's a girl one, looks like us, more so than the 'Snots' do, anyway..." She said recieving a thoughtful nod, or two.

"Oh, and she's blue, not green!" She finished with a trusting, yet cautious smile, turned toward the middle aged Bishoo Syndicate boss.

They both turned to see Sally run up behind them, finally growing into her oversized clothes, tall and gangly at 5'9" while on the edge of 18, dressed in a smudged mechanic's jumpsuit, with her pink and whitewhite jacket o er the top.

In contrast to the Don's light blue three piece suit, a pink kerchief poking from his jacket pocket, and the Couriers improved and painted riot armor under a marked heavy leather duster.

Dodging the occasional Brotherhood scribe, Sally soon caught up, "Found one!" she exclaimed, planting a camera in C's grasp.

"Thanks Sally, so, you ready to meet bosomed blue?"

"Yeah, finally, non-human life which doesn't shoot at us on sight!"

The lights switched to red for a brief yet tense half minute.

Everybody stopped, squeezing to the edge of the halls and stairs clearing the way for emergency personnel.

The lights switched back with and audible click. "Just a scout craft. It's crashing somewhere in the Commonwealth, Sally, Star Paladin Cross and Head Scribe Santangelo to the bridge. You know the drill people, back to work." Sarah's voice commanded over the intercom system.

With a shrug, "Welp that's me, keep .e updated guys." Sally said tapping her PipBoy 2000c, whilst jogging to the nearest teleporter pad.

The Don and Courier waving her away.

"Looks like it's just us for now!" The Don said through a smoldering smirk.

"Smirk like that at some other girl, mine would take kindly to it." Jen joked back amid chuckles.

"What was that?" Zuoul asked, well more of a surprised exclaimation, but pedantics!

Checking his PipBoy 3000A, W glanced to the blueberry, "Just a Zetan scout vessel over at 248-by-130 degrees, above us, shot it down, no worries..."

"Zetan?" Z asked, face colouring purlpurple-ish in curiosity.

"Little green guys, who we stole the ship from." W supplied with a shrug, messaging back the others.

Butch was definately gonna be mad at him for missing lunch. W thought with a frown, almost grimacing.

"'Kay, not my problem then!" Z replied, diving back into her ships wall cavities.

Retconned some things, not changing C1.

Oh, name of web comic is ' Noru ' fixed the synopsis, damn comma in place of a full stop/period.

Same as all my jottings, waiting on inspiration, no schedule, no guarantees, but I've not forgotten any of my works, sorry for long wait.


End file.
